| Aaron Phillips
J. Jerky Jerk’s Guide to The Perfect Camping Experience
You may be going on your first camping trip ever, or are a seasoned camping veteran. Either way, there’s always something to be learned from our good pal, camping expert J. Jerky Jerk.
J. Jerky Jerk has been camping longer than you’ve been alive. He’s lived a life unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. From having picnics with Bigfoot to swimming with the Loch Ness Monster (and everything in between), there is nothing off limits to his adventures.
Here is J. Jerky Jerk’s best tips for having a perfect camping experience:
Bring lots of jerky. At all times you should have a pouch of premium jerky accessible. Whether it’s sitting around the campfire telling that one ghost story of the time you say the spirit of a Yeti inside your tent or getting lost in the mountains while hunting yak – jerky is the ideal way to keep your body full of the protein it needs, and your mouth stuffed with the flavors you love.
Know Your Strengths. Say you’re a terrible cook. Definitely not a strength. How could you improve this situation while camping? Bring jerky. It’s an all in one solution for meals. Nice. Say you’re a fantastic cool. Definitely a strength. This means you’re smart enough to know you should bring jerky to add a depth of flavor to all of your camping dishes. Good for you, you smart camper chef!
- Bring Bribes. Not everybody likes doing everything. For example, setting up tents. Setting up camp fires. Going to hunt for food. Enjoying the outdoors.None of these things interest J. Jerky Jerk. You might think this is weird, but he has a secret: bribes. Camping is ideal when you can get somebody else to do all the work and all the stuff you don’t want to do. Show up, offer your buddies pouches of jerky to set up the tent while you sit on your ass and watch. Offer them jerky to setup the fire and all the other nonsense. You sit back as the king of the treats. Once your fellow campers get just a taste of the jerky you’ve brought, they’ll be at your beck and call for the rest of the trip. Now all you have to do is sit inside a perfectly comfortable tent and have them wait on you hand and foot. Nice.
Sometimes people get confused and think camping is about camping. Not for J. Jerky Jerk. After decades of camping decadence, he knows the real answer is getting people to do your dirty work, while you reap the rewards.
The next time you want to go camping, take advantage of this wonderful strategy by doing the following:
- Subscribe for a monthly subscription box from JerkySubscription.com – that way you’ll never be without jerky bribe material
- NMake a list of things you’d like other people to do for you while camping
- Make sure all of your electronic devices are properly charged. You’ll be watching a lot of videos while you’re friends do the actual work.
- Bring expensive silverware. Jerky this good should be eaten with top notch silverware (just as a sign of respect)
- Keep a secret stash of jerky in your trunk. Don’t tell anyone. Now you’ve got secrets (and power. And jerky).
Camping can be fun, when you’ve got the jerky. Now get to exploring the wild world out there!