| Aaron Phillips
Zombie Apocalypse Snack of Choice
TV shows and movies everywhere have capitalized on people’s odd fascination with wanting a zombie apocalypse. We either want a world where there is no structure and we can take whatever want, or we want a world where it’s perfectly legal to bash someone in the head multiple times with a baseball bat. Regardless of why people want a zombie apocalypse, it almost seems as if it’s not a matter of “If” anymore as much as it is a matter of “when” it is going to happen. Scientists are always pushing the limit of what they can and can’t do and it’s only a matter of time until that annoying neighbor who mows their lawn at seven in the morning becomes a slow-walking corpse making equally annoying sounds that early. One of the first rules of a zombie apocalypse is to not do what everyone else is doing. Everyone has had the “What would you do during a zombie apocalypse” conversation with their friends, and every one of them says they would go straight to Walmart. Just assume, that everyone’s first choice is to cause mass chaos at local big stores that would also be the perfect buffet for the walking dead. Fortunately for us, there’s the perfect snack food that will ensure your maximum chances of survival during the inevitable zombie apocalypse: beef jerky.
Beef Jerky Is the Perfect Distraction
We often find ourselves yelling at the TV over people’s stupid decisions during a zombie apocalypse. The offense that most people make is walking up to a zombie when an outbreak first starts and asking if they’re okay. Apparently, movies about zombie apocalypses don’t exist in movies about a zombie apocalypse. People just assume someone walking slowly up to them with their flesh rotting off and a trail of blood at their feet needs medical attention or just a drunk. What is one of the things that most zombies crave? It used to be brains, but the more modern zombie movies just have the walking corpses hungry for just anything that’s flesh. This is where beef jerky comes in. If you have a steady supply of beef jerky, then you never have to worry about zombies chasing you down for your flesh, when you can feed them flesh already handy in a travel-sized bag. While you may mourn the loss of the beef jerky being eaten by yourself, you’ll be glad knowing you’ve bought yourself plenty of time to run away from your now dead neighbor, Karen, who always brought pies over at the worst possible times.
Beef Jerky Is the Perfect Food to Hole Up With
Why do most zombie apocalypse tv shows or movies show people constantly on the movie when it’s normally advised to just stay at home and collect supplies locally? What compels other people to see dead people walking around and thinks, “This is the perfect time for a road trip.” Every zombie apocalypse tv show or movie has people wanting to escape where they try to go to a “stadium” or some kind of city where they think everything is okay. Unfortunately for them, in every single zombie apocalypse story, they find out their destination is not the safe haven they had hoped for. The best bet for surviving a zombie apocalypse is just staying in one place and staying supplied until the world decides to get smart about handling slow-walking dead people. Unfortunately for others, not everyone has the gift of foresight to have beef jerky delivered to their houses monthly. So, while everyone’s first choice is to run off to the nearest Walmart to grab weapons and supplies, you can sit pretty in your house knowing you are already prepared.
Beef Jerky Is the Perfect Bargaining Tool
In about every zombie apocalypse tv show or movie, the threat isn’t really your dead neighbor as much as it is your live one. For some reason, every human goes completely lawless on murdering rampages instead of just working together to find a solution to their problems. This is evident in movies like The Purge where people would most definitely murder each other if it was legal to do so. Humans are the biggest threats to each other during a zombie apocalypse. Fortunately, not every person you run into during a zombie apocalypse is going to just kill you for no reason. The biggest reason people work against each other is that they want to take your food, supplies, and weapons. Luckily, no one can resist the perfect zombie apocalypse snack that is beef jerky and handing them a bag will ensure that you walk out of there alive. Heck, they might even give you their weapons and supplies in exchange for a bag of beef jerky.
Don’t be caught dead during a zombie apocalypse without a convenient bag of beef jerky handy for any undead situation. Whether it be distracting zombies with the dried flesh of cattle or using it to bargain with another living human, beef jerky can help you survive any situation. Zombies won’t stop Jerky Subscription from continuing to deliver a box of delicious beef jerky to your home every month. If your goal is to stay at home while the world destroys itself, then you’ll sleep well knowing you have the perfect snack food delivered to your home every month.