| Aaron Phillips
Beef Jerky Saves The Day
Beef jerky is more than just a healthy snack to grab whenever hunger strikes, but it can also be used to save someone from awkward or difficult situations. Whether it be something as small as forgetting your wallet at home to getting pulled over by an officer of the law, beef jerky can save you from almost any everyday situation.
That Meeting That Could Have Been an Email
While some bosses understand that not everyone enjoys sitting in a meeting room pretending to nod vigorously at everything that they’re saying, other bosses, enjoy tearing their employees away from their important solitaire game. If your boss is the latter, then don’t worry, there’s still hope for you after all. Fortunately, there are many different ways to use beef jerky to get through a meeting that could have been an email, but for the sake of time, we’ll only list two. The first is hiding the beef jerky between your legs and consuming it when the boss is turned to look at the PowerPoint slides full if charts and information that you are not even processing. Keep your hands between your legs and time the head movement of your boss. Every time they turn, grab a piece of beef jerky and slide it into your mouth. Perfecting this movement will ensure that your stomach doesn’t decide to rumble the song of its ancestors while your boss is speaking. The second approach is to offer the beef jerky to your boss. This is a bold move and might earn you the title of the office brownnoser, but if you play your cards correctly, your boss might be so lost in the euphoria from the flavor of the beef jerky you might earn the title of office hero from your employees as you slip out of the meeting room.
Getting Pulled Over by A Police Officer
If you’ve ever been pulled over by a police officer before, then you know that sinking feeling you get when you see the sirens in your rear-view mirror. Whether it’s your first time or your hundredth time getting pulled over by a cop, then try not to worry too much, we have a foolproof plan on getting you off with only a warning. You’ve probably seen police officers pulling people over on TV shows. You’ve seen their big round hands, sunglasses that take up half of their face, and thick mustaches. Your knowledge of TV shows has helped you prepare for knowing exactly what the officer is going to ask you for your license and registration. The officer taps on the glass and asks you to roll down your window. He tells you that you’ve been speeding and asks for your license and registration. You hand him your license, but when you reach to open your glovebox to hand him your registration, nothing but bags of beef jerky fall out into the passenger seat. A moment of terrifying silence falls over the situation until something clicks in your head. Without hesitation, you grab a bag of beef jerky and hand it to the officer. The officer lifts his sunglasses, looks at you, then at the bag of beef jerky, before wishing you well on your way. Disaster averted.
Forgetting Your Wallet at Home
While being pulled over by a police officer sure is a sinking feeling, realizing you forgot your wallet at home while making a purchase can be just as devastatingly awkward. Imagine being in line at a grocery store and having a line full of people behind you. The minimum wage cashier has been slowly scanning your items which for some reason earns you the ire of the patrons who are waiting in line behind you secretly judging your mass purchase of bagged ramen and store-brand macaroni and cheese. Your total comes up, and you reach for your wallet only to find out there’s nothing there in your back pocket except some lint. Cold sweat begins to form on your body. The lady behind you raises her eyebrows and begins tapping her foot as she’s holding her crying child waiting for her turn. Then you have a lightbulb moment. You reach into your other pocket to find a handy bag of beef jerky that you always carry around with you. You hand you the bag of beef jerky to the cashier as they look back at you with the same dead inside stare they had when they clocked into work that day. You breathe a sigh of relief as the cashier door opens and a receipt is handed to you, along with some change for whatever reason. Beef jerky to the rescue again.
Acing A Job Interview
If for some reason you fluked up in the meeting that could have been an email and found yourself without a job, then don’t worry, you have a second chance to show employers why you’re the right person for your next job. Job interviews can be tough, but with the right suit, the right attitude, and enough beef jerky, you’ll be able to walk out with not just the job, but full benefits as well. Imagine walking into a meeting room and having three suits sitting across the table from you. They’re all sharp-dressed and intimidating-looking men whose job it is to do nothing but judge every little thing about you. You’ve spent days preparing for this interview, doing everything from watching YouTube to reading interview guides on the internet. Unfortunately, all of that information goes out the knocker when you sat down because that’s just how the brain decides to troll you. You get through the first couple questions, but they can see that you’re obviously sweating bullets and you begin to stammer a bit on your words. You keep the smile on your face despite the fact that they’re leaning over at each other, whispering, and shaking their heads. It’s time to drop the ace in the hole. You reach into your pocket and slap a bag of beef jerky onto the table in front of the three. They all look down at the beef jerky for a moment, while you hope your power move was successful. After the momentary hesitation, they all stand up with arms outreached asking when you can start.
Don’t be caught dead without a bag of beef jerky wherever you go. At Jerky Subscription you can have up to six bags of clean paleo-friendly beef jerky delivered to you a month that doesn’t contain any GMO’s, MSG’s or preservatives. Having a box of beef jerky delivered straight to your house every month will ensure that you always have a bag of beef jerky to save you from almost any situation.