| Aaron Phillips
The Perfect Occasion to Give Jerky
When is the perfect gift giving occasion to give jerky? It’s a question as old as a time. Historical texts reference jerky as one of the most coveted gifts that could be bestowed upon the working class throughout the 14th and 15th centuries. When would they give it, and what can we learn from the history of jerky giving?
As we fully immerse ourselves into the 21st century, it is becoming increasingly clear that there are several thousand opportunities to give jerky that would be hella appropriate, here are just a few:
January – New Year’s Gift of Abundance. A pleasantly wrapped box of premium jerky sets the tone for the new year to come. Whether it’s a gift to a friend or to yourself, jerky let’s you know that the upcoming year will be better than the last – and abundant in jerky.
February – Valentine’s Day. What better way to tell your significant other how much you love them than with a subscription to JerkySubscription.com? A boyfriend, husband, wife or girlfriend is secretly hoping for the perfect gift. Dried meats are the answer.
March – Easter Bunnies love jerky, it’s one of the few things we know about the mythological creature. The Easter Bunny will frequently leave bits of jerky as his calling card inside golden eggs hidden around your yard. Early Easter morning, do a cursory search of your property. If you don’t find eggs filled with jerky, that’s a sign that you are extremely low on the Easter Bunny’s priority list. The only way to get back in his good graces? Buy everyone you know jerky ASAP (including yourself).
April – April Fool’s Day. What better way to let everyone you know that you love a good prank than by offering them a bit of your jerky. Then you hold out the jerky bag – and guess what? It’s empty! April Fool’s! Your friends and family have been the victim of another classic prank! As you’re all haveing a good belly laugh, make sure to “make good” on the prank by then pulling out a full bag of jerky for you all to enjoy. Oh, laughter. So good for the soul.
May – Mother’s Day. Let’s be honest: moms love jerky. Maybe they don’t know it yet, but it’s simply because they haven’t had the sweet, sweet nectar of the God’s: premium jerky. Maybe mom would be all, “I don’t like dried meats, that’s not for me!” That’s when you reveal a bag of premium, sriracha honey jerky and offer it to her. All of a sudden, your mother is the happiest woman on earth. Unbelievable. You’ve done it again. Not only have you provided the greatest gift ever conceived of, you’ve also opened her eyes to an amazing new world (of jerky).
June – Father’s Day. Are you pulling the wool over my eyes or what? You have to know Father’s Day is the premier gift giving holiday for jerky. Be it a hand selected gift bag filled to the brim with jerky, or simply a printed certificate that notes “You are now a member of the JerkySubscription.com Club,” father’s everywhere will rejoice. We know your father probably isn’t the emotional type, but we will tell you this: once your dad gets a whiff of the spicy teriyaki or smoked chipotle flavors, and gets his first taste of the grandeur, don’t be surprised if you see a tear rolling down his cheek. Do you know what that tear is? Pure bliss. Thanks to you.
July Fourth – We’ve covered this before, hombre. No better way to celebrate the founding of these here United States than by busting out a platter of assorted jerky. Not only is jerky the perfect party celebration food, it’s a nod to our nation’s forefathers. A nod that says, “Thank you dear sir for all that you have done to make this beautiful country the wonderland that it is. Thank you…for making jerky possible.”
August – Back to School jerky, bro! A gift for your friends as a “Yo, we’re going back to the books” or as a gift to your parents as a “You guys are so rad for allowing me to continue my education.” There’s no better way to cruise back into book learning than with delicious jerky.
September – There aren’t any big celebration days in September…WHICH IS THE PERFECT REASON TO CELEBRATE JERKY! Make September the out of the blue gift giving month. Imagine saying to a loved one or dear friend, “Oh, hey, I know there’s not much going on this month – but here’s some premium jerky.” Boom. You’re a hero.
October – Jerky as Halloween treats. Enough said.
November – The entire planet agrees: no better way to celebrate Thanksgiving then with jerky. As a matter of fact, we’ve heard many families specifically mention JerkySubscription.com’s premium jerky as one of the major things they are thankful for. We are so humbled. Thank you.
December – Stocking stuffers, anyone? Dear old Santa loves jerky, so of course you’ll leave him some with a nice cold glass of milk – but don’t forget to fill the stockings of those you love with Jerky. We don’t know this for certain, but we believe jerky is the most wanted Christmas gift for anyone on your list between the ages of 5 and 105.
There you have it: the perfect gift giving event for jerky? It’s any time. Every time. Jerky. We love you.